197. Overcoming Rebellion and Resistance to Healthy Habits RAW VIDEP
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[00:00:00] Hello, hello, and welcome to the Woman of Wellness podcast. I'm your host, Elizabeth Dahl, and we're here to support you in making peace with food, peace with your body, and creating sustainable, healthy habits that fit your lifestyle. And today we're gonna be talking all about. Resistance and Rebellion. Oh, I'm excited for this episode.
Before we jump in though, I want to let you know inside our Women's Wellness Hub, our Healthy Habits [00:01:00] membership, our membership, where we help you create healthy habits for life so that you can achieve any health goal you have for the month of May. We're focusing on movement.
Before we dive into the episode today, I want to share a little exciting announcement inside our Women's Wellness Hub, which is our Healthy Habits membership, where we help you stop starting over and create healthy habits that last long term that actually get you to your goals. And for the month of May, we have a.
Special challenge running inside our women's wellness hub. We're gonna be focusing on movement. I have some really special, fun, um, challenges and things like that. So if you want to join us and get that, plus everything else that's included in the Women's Wellness Hub. We have menu plans, recipe library workouts, um, plans [00:02:00] to follow along with, we have our masterclass library, which is.
Impactful and growing of women's health expert. Um, topics on things like gut health, hormones, um, mobility, posture. We have so many masterclasses in there and more to come as well. So more things in the Women's Wellness Hub, but. If you'd like to learn more and join us, you can go to a woman of wellness.com/hub.
I'll put the link in the show notes and I'm going to give you a special discount code. If you use the Word podcast, you'll get a special discount code to join us in the hub. You could join us for our May challenge and get started on your path toward healthier. Happier lifestyle that you don't have to sabotage, that you'd stop starting over, and that you can live long term and achieve those health goals.
So hopefully those gonna sit in there. Let's jump into the episode now.[00:03:00]
Resistance and rebellion to healthy habits. I feel like this could be a really long podcast episode, and it may have to have a part two when I dive even deeper into this topic. Um, but I think this comes up a lot with my clients and, and you guys kind of tell me this too, where you, you find yourself almost like resisting a habit that you know is good for you, right?
So it's like somebody says, well, yeah, you should, should exercise more or. Eat more vegetables and you can't seem to do it. And we often label that as lazy, but I really believe that there might be a component of laziness throughout. Right. But I really believe that there's a. There's a deeper level here, and we're gonna talk about resistance and rebellion when it comes to building [00:04:00] healthy habits today.
And we're gonna be hopefully helping you understand, you know, why it's hard to adopt these healthy habits, why we rebel against them, and then dive into why you might be stuck in this cycle of resistance and what you can do to break free. I want you to, I've been there myself, okay? And it's not about failure.
If you've struggled with that cycle of starting over, right. And I'm a failure, I, I keep doing this. I had a client mention to me the other day, I, I keep doing the same thing where I get so far and then I stop and then I revert. Right? And so we really have to look at understanding why some of this resistance happens.
That leads us to that. Okay, let's jump in. What is resistance? Basically it's this subconscious like pushback against [00:05:00] change. Okay? So you have something that comes in and wants, you know, you're wanting to create change, someone told you to, or you, you wanna create that change. And it's almost something like you're not consciously fighting against it, but for some reason you can't seem to do it, right?
It's not laziness, it's about fear. Discomfort or possibly identity conflict, which is something interesting that we are gonna dive into today, to today. Um, but it's kind of like trying to eat healthy when your identity is like, I love food. And so it feels really hard because all of a sudden if I am going to be, become a healthy person, then I have to restrict food that I love and it goes against the identity.
Right. Or what's another one? You know, maybe you have an I identity of somebody that doesn't like to exercise May, maybe your identity is that I'm lazy. And so you're trying to [00:06:00] step into exercise, but the identity is, well, I don't like it. I'm, I'm a lazy person. I don't know if that's the best word, but maybe that's how you've used to describe yourself before.
Okay. Um, I wanna, I wanna. Capture a little bit of research. First on resistance, because this is really important and I've shared this before, but I have three top, I guess you'd say, um, books, researchers, authors, whatever you wanna call them, um, on habits and creating habits that last a long time. BJ Fog has a book called Tiny Habits.
Really, really good. Charles Duhig has a book called The Power of Habit, where he talks a lot about Habit loops and then we have Atomic Habits. And I'm at the moment, I don't know why. Oh, James Clear. I was drawing a blank. Um, he, I mean, atomic ha habits [00:07:00] is like always number one in the charts. Um, and they're all so good.
And so I wanna, I wanna capture a little bit of that research and, and why this is happening. Okay. So BJ Fogg, the author of Tiny Habits, has a behavior model that behavior happens when three things align. Your motivation, your ability, and your triggers. Right? Something that happens that gets you to start the habit.
Well, he talks about, and I wish I could like draw it out for you, but maybe you can picture it in your mind. It's kind of a graph where, um, behavior happens when. Motivation, ability and triggers are easy, right? So motivation is high ability. You're, you're able to do that is high, and you have a trigger that triggers that behavior.
Well, resistance comes in if your motivation right is not high enough, you're not [00:08:00] really. That high, you're not really that motivated or the task is perceived as too difficult. So ability, you feel like you can't do it. You either don't know enough to be able to do it, you don't know what you're doing, or you feel like you're not capable.
Right? You may know what to do, but it feels like. A hard task. So this is really valuable to recognize that we have to have a few things that align or else it can be very, um, very resisting. I dunno if that's the right word, but it, it, it makes us feel like we we're resisting it because, oh, I don't really have that motivation there to do that.
Um, I don't have the ability, um, or maybe I need to find some triggers, so. If it's something that doesn't align in that way, if it does, it feels really low motivation to do. Somebody told you to do it, your doctor said you should do this, or you feel like the shoulds [00:09:00] come in, that's usually pretty low motivation to do it.
Um, another thing is, you know, where, what emotion is the motivation bringing? Is it motivation to, um, punish, right? I've gotta get my body in, uh, better shape. I'm lazy, I'm gross. I just gotta cut things outta my diet, write all this stuff. Or does it come from, you know, I actually really do wanna take care of my body and feel better and all of that.
Do you see how those two motivations are very different? Um, and so that, that's a really important thing to add in there. Okay. The power of habit with Charles Duhig, habits are automatic. Think about this for a minute. The habits that you have in your life are automatic. Do you brush your teeth? I don't want an answer to that, but I hope the answer is yes.
Um, do you brush your teeth? Do you floss your teeth? Do you bathe? Do you [00:10:00] eat meals? Do you go to work? Do you. Um, what else? Go to school. I mean, there's just so many things, right? Do you put your makeup on? Do you do skincare? Do you get dressed? Um, do you do laundry? Right? If you, if you really thought about it, you would realize that the habits that you have that have been consistent long enough are automatic.
The resistance occurs when these behaviors feel like forced to change or feel very not automatic. They feel like this is hard to do. Um, and it's like not part of my schedule or whatever, and so it feels not very automatic. Um, and we wanna change that, right? So we wanna get to a place where we can create positive, um, habit loops, right?
Where we're [00:11:00] we're and we're, we're regularly, um. Doing the same thing over and over again and you know, you don't necessarily brush, I don't know, maybe, but I don't think you necessarily brush your teeth in the exact same way every night. Right. And sometimes you do a little bit more laundry than others.
Like sometimes those habits shift in what they are. But there's still habits. And so I think it's important to remember that because sometimes that resistance, at least as I was talking, that resistance wanted to come in and say, well, I don't wanna do the same thing with my exercise forever. Or maybe I don't wanna do the same exercise every day.
And it's like, okay. The goal here is that there's movement in a day rather than specifically the same exact thing. It's that you are working, you're doing something for a positive outcome. You do your laundry because you want clean clothes. Well, you exercise because you want to feel good. So we have to start creating those habits that that can become [00:12:00] automatic.
Then from here, we kind of have some cognitive dissonance that comes in, right. Where this resistance that comes from conflicts between your behavior and your self-identity. Think about that for a minute. What you self-identify as, and then what the behavior you have to perform. So. Maybe if you are someone that likes to be spontaneous, you're not much of a planner, maybe you're not, you don't like the rigid schedule, then having a meal prepping commitment might be a lot, right?
It, the desire for that spontaneous lifestyle leads to resistance. So we perceive that that loss of control and freedom. I want to be spontaneous. I like variety. I like, you know, all these things. And so you're [00:13:00] telling me I've gotta have a meal prepping strategy every Monday. Well, that you lose that, like that kind of self identity, right?
I like to have freedom. I like spontaneity. Um, and so I'm going to rebel, right? And rebellion occurs when, because a habit feels. Imposed and not chosen. So the difference between I should versus I want, or I need versus I want. Right. Um, it, it's like one of those things where someone says. You should be doing this.
And then you take that on and say, well, yeah, I should do this. And as soon as it becomes a should, and I love the phrase don't should all over yourself, right? Um, then it becomes a, a task. And you know what happens to tasks? They [00:14:00] become a check mark and. They don't last very long because check mark tasks are more about little things getting done right, rather than, um, a big picture.
So I'll sit down and write a task, like, oh, call the dentist. Um, email the teacher, um, record a podcast episode. I don't know. Right? All these things. And then, um, we. It's like a check off the list thing rather than this kind of, this fits my identity, I want to do this. This is important. Can it be on the list?
Absolutely. But it's more about that, that list of things that supports your body, right? Brushing your teeth, things like that. Like you want your teeth to be clean and healthy. You want your body to be healthy and strong, and if your approach feels like a should. There will [00:15:00] come some resistance there. Ah, I should do this rather than, no, I really want to do this 'cause I wanna support my body.
Okay, so let's talk about rebellion as it relates to healthy habits. Let me grab some water.
Um, okay, a couple things. First of all, we kind of just covered this a little bit, but the need for autonomy, right? People resist when they feel controlled and healthy. Habits can feel like external demands, especially if you, um, come from the doctor and the doctor says you need to lose this amount of weight or whatever.
And, um, so you all of a sudden it's not something you chose. It's something they chose. They chose and they're controlling it. So that's a natural form of resistance or a natural flow, I guess, is like if somebody tells you you have to, then [00:16:00] resistance comes in because you feel controlled. Okay? It also occurs when your freedom is threatened.
So we have a really high value of freedom as humans. Think about it. We value being able to make your own choices. I mean, if you looked at everything that's going on in the news, right? Like everybody has their own opinion about something and they want it to be right, and they wanna make their own choice and they wanna be free to live the way that they want.
And so when our freedom is threatened, someone says, you've gotta go on this restrictive diet or this exercise routine. As soon as that freedom is threatened. Right, that restriction. It's kind of like the swing analogy. You pull the swing really far back. Right? Okay, well, you're not giving me any freedom.
You're gonna tell me to restrict all these foods that swing, you know, gets pulled back. And what happens as soon as you decide, [00:17:00] no, I want the freedom, right? That rebellion comes in and all of a sudden you want the forbidden foods. You want the foods that are, um, not on the diet. That's where rebellion comes in.
So maybe another example is like you avoid meal tracking because it feels restrictive. Um, it's that rebellion against any temp to con attempt to control those eating patterns. So it again, it's that desire for freedom and autonomy. So why do we rebel then against things that we know are good for us?
Right? I think, I think it's okay to say like, okay, I should do that because it's good for me, right? We know that it's good for us, but there's fear involved as well. There's fear of control or lack of [00:18:00] control. Fear of restriction and a big one, fear of failure. It's about, again, going back to that identity and losing the freedom as that woman that has that particular identity.
For example, let's say you skip some workouts because. Maybe you don't love them, or maybe someone is telling you you have to strength train. Right? I, I am a big advocate for strength training, so I always do tell women, try to find. A form of strength training that you like in your life. And if you struggle with that, sometimes there's that rebellion that says, well, don't tell me what to do.
I'd rather do this. You know? And so you might skip some of those workouts because subconsciously we're kind of just saying like, I don't wanna be told what to do. Right. [00:19:00] Or overeating on forbidden foods. I can't have that, so I'll eat it anyway. Forbidden foods are really funny because a lot of times forbidden foods are off limits in our minds, but we still eat them because as soon as we forbid them, it, it almost triggers that rebellion to be like, no, I can do what I want.
I can do what I want. Right. I'm gonna eat it anyway. Isn't it so fascinating how our brains work this way? You also might avoid tracking, right? Re having resistance to tracking calories or meals because it feels restrictive. So if you've ever been on a diet and you're tired of tracking what comes in that rebellion, I'm not gonna track.
And then the rebellion leads to the eating the foods that are off limits and it kind of just spirals out of control. Are we aligning with this? Are you feeling this? [00:20:00] Um, it really, it really comes down to when a habit conflicts with your self identity. If you would not describe yourself as an exerciser, then it would be really hard to get started and stick to a consistent workout routine, right?
If you identify as an emotional eater. Then you are regularly likely to emotionally eat right? And you get in your mind, why? Why is this such a struggle for me? Why is it a cycle? I try, I fail, I feel worse, right? And we get in that cycle of like, why can't I just make progress? Because I am trying to make these changes, but we have the identity that's like kind of holding us back.
Um, and. It's interesting because it's a cycle because resistance [00:21:00] leads to guilt or shame, which then fuels more rebellion. Does that make sense? Resistance leads so. When you're resisting something, then you kind of experience that guilt or shame, maybe like after you've eaten the forbidden foods and then it fuels more rebellion.
I'm gonna figure this out, right? Or like, uh, I, I can figure this out. And, and we, it's almost like we get more and more mad. It would compare it to like, just kind of that anger, that frustration of like, why, why, why? So let's talk about some strategies to overcome the resistance and rebell here. Okay? We already talked about one of them shift from should to want reframe it from an obligation into a desire.
So here's a good example. Instead of, I should eat more vegetables. We would say, I want to feel energized and [00:22:00] healthy, and vegetables give me that. Can you see the difference there? Oh, I should put more vegetables on my plate. Right? But the rebellious nature in us that says, no, I want my freedom. Don't tell me what to do, says, eh, whatever.
But, but. Speaking in the, in the way. The second way that I mentioned doesn't really invite rebellion in because there's nothing you're rebelling against, right? Hey, I want, I wanna feel energized and healthy, so I'm gonna add some vegetables on. That doesn't, there's no, there's no entrance point there for rebellion.
Here's another example. If exercise, oh, I should exercise more. I know I should do that. I should strength train, right? What if instead of that we said, no, I, I want to feel stronger and more capable, and strength training is going to help me do that. That helps us avoid any [00:23:00] resistance even coming in. So we don't have to fight against resistance because the resistance isn't there.
Okay. The next thing that we're gonna do is when you're trying to implement a habit, you're trying to say, okay, I want to do this. Make them small and manageable. And this is funny for me to say because I think we get that right. You've heard this a million times, you, you've heard this, make it small and manageable, but yet I don't know what it is.
Human nature. Right? It's human nature with like the rebellion and the resistance. We think that all of a sudden. We are super women, which we are, but that we have 40 million different hands or something, and that we can do all of it at once. And so we commit, we overcommit ourselves, and overcommitment is where habits go to die.
I'm gonna repeat that. Overcommitment is where habits go to die when [00:24:00] we overcommit to. What we're capable of then it's, it's difficult to keep going and so we have to start small. Um, in his book, uh, BJ Fog talks about how he, this is an interesting story. So he has like, it's been a little while since I've read it, so I hope I don't ruin this, but he has his teeth.
Are like really close together and it's actually really hard for him to floss. And so he is having a really hard time getting into the habit of flossing. And so, um, he decided he was gonna floss one tooth and he's like, for a little while, I just flossed one tooth. I just knew I could do that. I could do that.
Every night I flossed one tooth and he's like, eventually I just kind of. I had the habit of flossing, and it was like, while I'm here, I'm just gonna floss every tooth. And it's, it's a habit for him now. He flosses his teeth, um, but he had to start small. Smaller than [00:25:00] you think. Smaller than you think. I know that sounds like, well, I'm not gonna get results then, but you already have a lot of evidence that you're not getting the results you want now.
When you're trying to do too many things. So can we back it up a little bit and say, where can I start small one at a time? Okay. The third step is to focus on identity based habits. We just start, um, questioning is not the word. Um, uh, I can't think of the right word, but we need to start. Stepping into the identity of the woman of wellness that we want to become.
Who is she and what does she value? Is she someone that values movement for her body and good food and health? Can I step into that identity right now? What would it look like? [00:26:00] I know I, I have this picture of her right of a while down the road here, but what right now helps me get one step closer to her?
How can I step into that identity? And I've said this before a lot, but I am not a huge believer in affirmations that say I am when you don't actually feel like you are. And so I love to add the word commitment or committed, um, into that. I am committed to. So that means you're committed to that affirmation, that identity.
I am committed to health and wellness. And so then as soon as I am that person and I'm committed to being that person, then I make different choices. I am, I'm a woman of wellness who values health, which means I have, I value a habit of movement and a value of, um, or I value a habit of movement and a [00:27:00] habit of, um, meal planning or whatever, help eating healthy.
We have to come back to identity and and question the identities that are holding us back. Maybe you haven't been an exerciser and so your identity is lazy or whatever you want to use, so you come in and say, okay, I am committed to becoming a woman of wellness who values moving her body and loving. Her body through movement.
I hope you feel the difference as we start to change these thoughts. And you know, this is like my favorite thing to work on is thoughts. Because as soon as we change those thoughts, those beliefs, that identity, we start changing our action. Okay. Where are we at? Number four, habit stacking. This is pretty simple, but you already have a lot of habits.
[00:28:00] You do regularly. I enlisted several at the beginning. I. Can you add a new habit to something that you do regularly? Because that does a couple things. First of all, it reduces the activation energy to get started because you already have started something else, like you've already started the habit that you did, and it also reduces the cognitive load basically, where it, um, you don't have to think about it.
It just makes it easier to implement and it leaves. Very little room for resistance to come in because you don't say, well, I'm gonna resist that. It's like, no, this is what I do. And after I do this, I do this. So, um, I have a client who. I love this. After she uses the restroom, she does a few, um, squats and it's just a really easy reminder.
So she gets a little bit of movement in and does a few squats after a habit. That happens a few times a day, right? Um, or [00:29:00] after I eat dinner, I'm working on this one. Actually, after I eat lunch, I go on a walk. And so that's something that I just like, have been kind of triggering. Like as soon as I put my lunch away, I try to go on a walk.
That's really powerful because you don't even really question it. You just do it. It reduces the ability for resistance and rebellion to come in. Okay. Number five, focus on progress, not perfection. Okay. Resistance and rebellion come in when we have this expectation of perfection, it has to be perfect. So I'm not doing it right.
Um, we resist because it feels too much. So instead, focus on doing little things at a time and recognizing this is the phrase that I love to use. You're either winning or you're learning. You're learning what's not working. And [00:30:00] changing things, or you're winning at the behavior and it's working. Number six, um, celebrate the tiny victories.
Okay. I think this is so important. Inside our Women's Wellness Hub, we have, um, a habit tracker, and on it is a little tiny reward section for doing your habits. And I, I've shared this before too, but I do wanna share it again. Um, I. A couple years ago, a few years ago, and now I guess I was struggling with my own exercise habit and I generally like to exercise, but for whatever reason, I was just struggling.
And so I, um, decided to do the habit tracker for myself, set a goal, a new exercise goal. And it was really fun because I had a, a. Progress goal or a process goal where, um, there was no outcome in terms of like a weight loss or anything, but I was just like, I just wanna get back into the routine of exercise.
And so I set a goal and this our, um, our [00:31:00] habit tracker, like, walks you through all of this. It's really cool. It's really comprehensive. Um, and I had a little reward that, you know, if I, you know, had x number of x. Percentage compliance. Um, and I, and I worked pretty hard at it, that I got to buy myself like an accessory, so like a bracelet or something, just cheap.
It wasn't like expensive or anything. And, um, it was just so nice. It, it, it was the thing that I needed to get me back into a little bit more of an exercise routine and I haven't had to use it since. And, and we talk about the inside the wellness sub, where um, you know, sometimes we use. Tools and data to help us get back on track to get consistent.
And then once we are, you know, we don't always have to use that tool because we're able to be consistent, but if we find ourselves wanting to set a new goal or struggling to, um, stay consistent, then we [00:32:00] go back and say, okay, I probably need to, um, do a little bit of tracking to help me step it up a notch and, and kind of help me realize.
Why I'm not getting results or where I'm struggling. And that really helps when you pay attention to it. So we don't really always do it long term, but it is valuable because it helped me get back into an exercise, um, per, uh, exercise routine better than if I just said, I just need to do it right. I should just do it.
I should know this by now. I'm a coach, right? All of those things that come in and instead I just said, you know what? I'm gonna work on it. I'm going to mark it off and. I have a little reward, um, for me at the end, and, and I think there's value in rewards. Don't discount that. I know everyone has their own opinion about rewards, but having something to look forward to is so valuable.
In fact, I always think like schedule wise, [00:33:00] even. My days go so much better when I know I have something to look forward to, whether it's like a trip or a day off of school, although do we always look forward to that? I don't know. But um, um, you know, those kinds of things like, oh, you know, maybe I'll go to lunch with a friend and that's like something to look forward to and it helps me get things done.
It helps me do things. So I really think rewards are powerful motivators. Um, I've found that they're very powerful for myself and for clients. As long as there's something that you do look forward to that you won't. Okay. Okay. How are we feeling? I'm hopeful that, that you have some tools now to tackle any re um, feelings of resistance and re rebellion.
We have to first understand that their natural responses to change. Okay? So it's okay that they come in. We just need to let them look at them and be like, why are they coming in? Right? Why are they coming in? Is it an [00:34:00] identity issue? Is it somebody told me to? Is it because I've restricted for so long?
Just like the things we've talked about? Why is it coming in? And then from there, we, we change. We change things, right? We create identity driven habits. Create a new identity, step into that new identity and start small with those habits. Create some rewards for you to say, yeah, you did it. Awesome. Here is what you get, and that's how you break through resistance.
So I have a challenge for you. You ready? Pick one small habit that you've been resisting or that is. Rebellious for you or, or you rebel against? What's something that you. Have either tried to set yourself up for perfection and haven't started, or you're rebellion because someone told you to do it or it [00:35:00] doesn't feel aligned with your identity, and practice it.
Pick something and then take, walk through the steps that I, that I talked you through to help you close that window of letting rebellion and resistance come in. Okay? So we can help you with that in the Women's Wellness Hub as well. And if you are struggling with exercise, in fact, I just had a call with our members.
Uh, a week ago, and, um, they, uh, were. One of the biggest struggles and questions was consistency and prioritization with exercise. So we're gonna have a call on that. Um, we have, we have biweekly calls and we're gonna have a call on that and discuss like, how do we stay consistent? How do we prioritize exercise?
Um, so that might be a good one is of yours. If, if you struggle or resistant to exercise, join us in there. And, um, I think that's it. So let's. I'll see you next week on another [00:36:00] episode.
