Lauren podcast AUDIO RAW
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[00:00:00] Okay, my friends, we are continuing our month of menopause and women's hormones, perimenopause, all of the above, and I am so excited to introduce my next guest to you, LAR Lauren Tettlebaum, or did I say it right? Lauren tba Pretty good, I'll take it. Okay, close. Um, but she's gonna be talking to us all today about millennial menopause.
If you are a millennial, if you're approaching millennial age, if you're in that age range, which we'll probably talk about what that is, we're gonna be talking about that. So first of all, why don't you introduce yourself to us and tell us why this is so important to you. Sure. So thank you for having me.
I am a licensed clinical social worker in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida. I live in New York and I have always been passionate about supporting women and being there for them as they navigate life changes and need extra support. And I specialize really in anxiety and depression. [00:01:00] For women in their twenties and thirties, and as I approached 40 myself, I realized that I knew nothing about the next stage of life, so I started asking questions.
I started writing it down, and here we have my book, millennial Menopause, which will be released July 15th, and it really just became an issue that I felt was so important for my generation to start learning about and paying attention to. Yeah. And it is such a good book. I have it here and I'm, I'm, I'm almost through it all, but I'm loving it and it's such a good resource.
So we'll be talking about that a little bit too. Um, why don't we start with kind of the age of menopause. When should women be paying attention to this now? So, so menopause, and I know you've given a lot of amazing insight and information. Already, but just to recap, menopause itself is one day that marks one full year without periods and everything after that day is post [00:02:00] menopause.
You might be hearing more and more about perimenopause, which is technically the phase of life of health leading up to that day of menopause, and the average age of the menopause actual day in the US is about 51. Perimenopause, which is defined by a variety of symptoms that are physical, psychological, indicated by hormone fluctuations.
That phase of life can last seven to 10 years. So if you do the math, if you go through menopause at 51. And you have symptoms for several years. You will likely be in perimenopause by your early forties, if not before. And many, many women in their thirties are experiencing perimenopause. And there are also women who go through menopause much earlier, which we can talk more about.
Yeah, how do we, I think one of the biggest things is, okay, so there's this big range, right? Mm-hmm. Like [00:03:00] you were like seven to 10 years range, and how do we differentiate life and the stress of life and symptoms of life to, and, and maybe, um, put the label of perimenopause on something versus. Life. I love this question.
So as a therapist, I do appreciate diagnoses. But I'm more focused on the symptoms, what's going on with you and what can we do about it? And for me, knowing whether it's perimenopause or something else, it could be a thyroid issue, it could be stress, it could be kids are growing up and moving out, or other dynamics in your personal life that are causing all of these changes.
It is, you deserve support and attention. And so my goal through this book is to educate women on the fact that it could be hormonal. And so if it is, there are resources [00:04:00] available to you, and it could also be life in the alternative or in addition, but you deserve support and you can get it. Yeah, let me, let's do a personal example.
Let's do it. It always makes me feel a little vulnerable asking these questions, but I think it could be valuable for someone. Um, so I will be 38 this year. Mm-hmm. And interestingly enough, I would say, I don't know if I have cared at all about this subject or. Known much except for maybe in the past couple years.
And I don't know if that's just okay. I recognize that my body is shifting and it makes you more aware of the, the information out there that is going is coming for, you know, women of my age. Um, but. I have been struggling with a lot of grou lately. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm just kind of grouchy at my kids and there's definitely like some life stress going on.
I have a toddler and two other kids, and so there's a lot there. But like, [00:05:00] how would I, how would I differentiate between saying, okay, this might be something hormonal because I can't seem to snap myself out of it. Um, versus, okay, this is life and stress, or do they kind of go together? I think they go together, but I think there are different kinds of stress and every woman is different.
I know that for me, and I'll share personally too, we'll, we'll get a real and raw here together. I was off all forms of birth control for, um, a period of time last summer and I also noticed that G Giness, the irritability and it wasn't my sort of usual. Symptoms of anxiety and depression that I sometimes deal with.
It was, it was different and I noticed it and I went back on the birth control pill, which regulates hormones and I feel so, so much better. So for me, that was what worked. And the reason that I knew that it was hormonal. I spoke to a medical [00:06:00] professional, but I also knew my myself. Self. I knew that it wasn't my usual feelings of stress and the usual manifestations.
It was something else. Something else was going on. And so for anyone listening, I would say track your symptoms. I like old fashioned calendar paper or notebook, especially if you do get a period notice if. There are peaks in anxiety or other symptoms around certain times of the month, and just know yourself because you are your own best advocate.
You know your body best, and then talk to your doctor, your therapist, et cetera to see what your options are. Yeah, I have learned over the years that I am not allowed to make any big decisions two to three days before my period, because the whole world is falling apart. Like, and every time I will realize, oh, that's why uh, nothing was working in my life.
Like it was a disaster, everything. So I love that you mention that. Is. And this is a really good, [00:07:00] tangible, um, lesson for anyone listening is write these things down because then that gives you more information to take to an appointment or to a doctor. Because I, I was kind of thinking, I. A lot of this stuff might not show up on traditional blood work, right?
Yes, absolutely. In fact, the official guidelines for menopause practitioners are to not even do blood work around hormone testing because the point of perimenopause is that your hormones are fluctuating wildly. So whatever you capture on Wednesday morning might not look the same Thursday afternoon, even one day later.
Some providers are in favor of doing the hormone testing based on whatever a woman wants, which I totally agree with. If you want a blood test, you should be able to get one, but really this diagnosis is based on symptoms and the best way to describe your symptoms is to know when and the [00:08:00] severity of how they're happening to you.
Yeah. Awesome. Okay, let's dive a little bit deeper into the mental health. 'cause I really wanted to, to go there. So I kind of brought up this giness. Um, I don't even really know what I'm asking, but how, how do women identify perimenopause connected to mental health and what can we do about it? Sure. So I like.
I'm sorry that you experienced the G giness, but I appreciate it because it's quite common and other times people call it irritability, rage, and there's a lot going on in the world and in mom's lives, women's lives that can contribute to rage, irritability, g, giness, and you're right, it doesn't necessarily have to be hormonal often if you're at the right stage of life, meaning late thirties, early forties.
It might very well be hormonal. And [00:09:00] so again, notice if you are grou here than you used to be about daily tasks or certain interactions. Notice if that grou is showing up more significantly than perhaps it used to. I work with a lot of women who we've worked together as psychotherapist and client for a long time, so I've seen them through different phases of life, and once they hit perimenopause, they'll say things like, I've lost my resilience, or I don't recognize myself, or Things that used to work for me when I got anxious, depressed, stressed, are no longer working.
And that's a bit of a hint. That maybe there is something physiological going on, and then let's explore what we can do to treat it. Yeah. Let's go deeper into that, and I know you kind of have depth in your book. Um, so maybe you could kind of bring that out for us. Um, the, we're starting to notice these symptoms, maybe.
Mm-hmm. I, I'm feeling [00:10:00] this way or I'm not. I have that question a lot actually in, um, with the women in our group as well as like what used to, I used to what used to work. Doesn't work anymore, or, you know, I'm, I'm feeling this way, kind of that I love that you kind of brought that up as like the motivation changed and so we're sent, we're feeling these things.
Maybe it's not something that we're gonna see on a blood work panel or anything, um, but what could we start doing about it? Sure. So I would say start talking about it at first is check in with yourself, notice it, track it. Then certainly ask for help, whether that's through support groups, through a therapist, a coach who specializes in these issues.
The women around you who you trust, other loved ones. Um, there are a variety of tools in our toolbox when it comes to treating mental health conditions and menopause in general. And that's another goal of the book, which is to highlight the wide range of [00:11:00] resources because for so long we haven't been made aware of them.
So one of the tools in our toolbox is medication. And when I say medication, I mean things like antidepressants. SSRIs are very effective for treating symptoms of anxiety, depression, which often manifest as grou rage, irritability. And now we are also increasingly seeing that hormone therapy, especially estrogen.
And progesterone can, and testosterone really can help tremendously with the mood shifts that occur during this period of time. So a lot of women are actually demonstrating that once they go on hormone therapy, their mood symptoms are alleviated. That doesn't work for everyone. Menopause itself, as I know you've talked about, is going to be unique for every single woman.
But it's an option. It's a tool in our toolbox, and it's important that women feel they have the right to [00:12:00] access an option like medication. I. Yeah, I, your book title is, you know, uh, preparing for Life's Next Period, and I was thinking about that when you were talking and, you know, when we go through pregnancy and postpartum and all of that, we, we need a toolbox, right.
We also have, you know, we need support here and support there. And I love that you're just saying, this is just another season. And another period, I guess we would say of life that's like, okay, we might need to shift the tools in our toolbox. Um, and they might be similar, like getting the help and getting the support.
Um, but it, it's, it's probably going to look a little different than it has in the past. I. Exactly. So I also have kids, they're six and nine and I until recently have been really specializing in perinatal mental health. And one fact that many people don't know and are [00:13:00] surprised to learn is that women up to one in five women can experience what we call a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder.
During that pregnancy through baby's first year of life. And just knowing that, having the psychoeducation around that, and then of course the resources as to what to do about it, that can make women feel tremendously better. And that's the goal of this book too, to. Show you that you're not alone. If you're experiencing something, it's very common.
And also just because it's common doesn't mean that you have to suffer through it. And I work now with a lot of women who are both postpartum and perimenopausal. And the main distinction there is how you can treat that. And often the answer in that is through hormone therapy that wouldn't otherwise be readily available to a woman who is quote unquote just postpartum.
Yeah. Would you recommend a general practitioner or are there practitioners that specialize in [00:14:00] menopause? So there certainly are practitioners who specialize. Unfortunately, there are too few because our generation of millennial, our peers didn't get the right training and education from med school, from other forms of healthcare training.
That is changing for the better, but. Unfortunately, at this point in time, the average doctor has gotten maybe 10 minutes of menopause training, so I would encourage listeners, anyone to ask questions of their healthcare providers. I. What do you know about menopause? What are resources available to me?
Many, many, many millennial women will say things like, well, my doctor told me I was too young to even think about this, or if I still get a period, I can't go on hormones. That is incorrect information, and I'm happy to say that there are a lot of really great free resources available. Now that [00:15:00] give information to healthcare providers and patients alike, and a good doctor, even if they didn't get the training and they don't know, a good doctor will say, let me look into that for you.
Oh, I love that. And you know, I think in my brain, just a very basic knowledge before I do dove into all of this was like, well, my period should be irregular or should be different, but you could still be having a lot of regularity and be going through Meno or perimenopause. Yeah. And so you caught yourself, but I do that all the time too.
Colloquially, we tend to say, going through menopause. Yeah. No one really knows that menopause itself is just one day. So it's okay to say that I, I now try to say menopause transition, which includes perimenopause, but I get what you mean. And I think now your audience increasingly will too. And that's the goal, right?
Language matters and how we talk about it matters. Um. I also didn't know [00:16:00] much. Um, I just knew that it was the end of one's period and when you zoom out and you learn more, you probably think about how many women don't get a period at all, whether they've had a hysterectomy and don't have a uterus, or they have an IUD and don't get regular periods or the birth control pills.
So it is a good marker of irregularities in one's hormones. But it's not the only marker. Yeah, I love that. Um. So one thing that you're gonna be teaching in, in our masterclass is kind of advocating for yourself because I think this, this message is building to like, we kind of have to be our own advocate and our own experts of our own body, and then turn to the experts that.
Um, can support us. And so we're gonna be diving into that, um, in the masterclass. But I wanted to point out a chapter in your book that I think is really important and maybe sometimes forgotten. The [00:17:00] millennial men. Can you address this with us? Absolutely, and thank you for saying that. It's one of my favorite chapters too, and I am a firm believer that men and people of all ages need to be part of this conversation.
Yes, menopause is technically a woman's issue, but I mean, women are 50% of the population, if not more. Every man knows a woman. Experiencing the menopause transition, whether it's their mother, girlfriend, colleague, cousin, whatever it is, wife, and it's really important for men to know what it's all about, to be able to provide support, whether that's in the form of helping look for resources like providers who know what they're talking about.
Whether it's just kind of showing up for them emotionally and understanding that the rage there perhaps, uh, on the other end of isn't [00:18:00] intended by the woman in front of them. And it's just important to normalize it. Issues like menstruation and sexual health and fertility and mental health and menopause among men and women alike.
How would you counsel a woman to do that if maybe they are in a relationship with a man that they haven't had that discussion with? I mean, maybe it, it has been like I've dealt with it on my own, or we haven't really talked about it, but I think I. It could help maybe even save some marriages if, if the spouse or like significant other knew like, oh, okay, this is what I should be looking for.
How might we kind of bridge that gap from maybe not having that conversation much to opening up? I say this with all sincerity. Give them the book and tell them to read the chapter that I wrote to men. And if you feel like not doing that there, I [00:19:00] would still position it as, Hey, I read something interesting, or I saw something interesting, and make it perhaps less personal.
If you're not ready for that. But just, oh, I learned about menopause and I thought it was really interesting because I didn't realize that it would impact women and you know, people of our age. Let me share it with you. And that opens the door to the dialogue and it makes it less vulnerable, I think, because it does just normalize it that this is a phase of life.
It's like losing one's baby teeth, right? It's just you're growing up. Um. And that can be scary if we don't know much about it, and it can lead to negative symptoms. But the more we know, the more we talk about it, the more we normalize it, the better off we will all be. I. Yeah. Can you address a little bit of that with like libido and you know, the bedroom?
Like what, what could we say? Like, this might be different for me. [00:20:00] Yeah, and thank you for asking that because to your point a little bit earlier about divorce, I. Midlife is very much a time of relationship change and divorce. And whether that's from women getting super irritable and angry with their husbands or just different changes in the home dynamic, or the loss of libido and kind of feeling like, I don't even like this guy.
You know, I see that all the time and often it's. It's not really a reflection of their actual feelings, but of those hormonal fluctuations that are perimenopause. And so when it comes to talking about it, I think again, normalizing it, right? This is, this is something that happens to women's bodies. The genital urinary symptoms of menopause, which you're alluding to, the low libido, perhaps the painful sex because the vagina is losing elasticity and tissue.
Um, the UTI infections, those are really, really [00:21:00] common. And of course, not very sexy, especially if a woman is experiencing pain. And to even just say, oh, I read this article about it, or I read this in this chapter. I think is a great way to start the conversation and to say, I haven't been that interested in sex in a while, but I'm learning that there are actually medications out there or behavioral tools that we can implement because I want it to better for me, for you, for us.
And now I'm realizing that it's part of life, but we don't have to accept it as the new normal for our life. Yeah, and I think that flows really nicely into my next thought. My next question, um, when we talk about the menopause transition, I think there's generally a negative I. Connotation a little bit, like, oh, I'm gonna have to go through this [00:22:00] and this and this.
Um, how can we, you mentioned, um, embracing it with optimism and resources and I really appreciated that, that phrase that you said. How can women who maybe are in millennial stage, um, see this as a positive, optimistic transition? Thank you for saying that. So the first thing is that there are more resources available for treatment, for knowledge, for community building than ever before.
So we are already well equipped, we just have to use them, right, and not be afraid of the word menopause or aging or midlife. And when we do have better attitudes about aging, et cetera. We are also less likely to experience severe symptoms. It's a connection between mind and body and attitude. And of course if you are experiencing symptoms, you should [00:23:00] get treatment.
You don't need to suffer through them for any second. I also really want women to know that it might be a rocky few years, especially if you don't get medical care that you might need for whatever reason. But every woman I spoke to who experienced menopause and was post-menopausal said that in that chapter of life, they felt better about themselves, more confident, wiser.
They said, I don't take any BS anymore. And so it is something to look forward to. We just have to get through it. As we get through it, we can lean on each other and providers who know what they're talking about and optimize our health as we do so now for the future. Yeah, I love that. I mean, there's no, no reason we shouldn't be doing all the things to take care of our health now and then, and things might shift.
You might find different body needs and, and I've talked a little bit about different, um, nutrition [00:24:00] needs, you know, in that transition. But I love, I love, I have a neighbor who's like my forties, my fifties. I've been the best years of my life. And I love that perspective because I think when we're focused on per meno or on the menopause transition and the symptoms.
Um, sometimes it can bring that, those negative emotions, but when we realize like, okay, it does bring this attitude of like. I'm good and I'm confident and the things that concerned me younger, like I think about by my third kid versus my first kid, I'm like, man, I wish I had third kid mom ness for my first kid.
You know, I just didn't, don't care about all the things. And so I, I love that perspective. And I wanna reiterate the what you said, because I want anyone listening to really. Let this sink in is we can embrace this period of life, this menopause transition with optimism and resources. So as you're doing that, think about, you know, optimism [00:25:00] for what's next, and build your toolbox.
So before we sign off, will you, do you have anything else you want to say to millennials, millennial women? Sure. Just know that you're not alone. While all of our experiences will be different, we're in this together. We are collaborating as a community to help each other out, share information, share referrals, learn together, and let's, let's do it.
Let's go. We are ready and we will thrive together. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. Will you please tell everyone where we can find you, including the book and all of the above. Sure. So I am on Instagram and my website is the Councilor Counselor, but LAUR for Lauren. And you can also go to millennial menopause.com and that'll bring you to the book and the book tour.
And I'm always happy to point people in the right direction if I can't help them myself. So please feel [00:26:00] free to reach out. Wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing your expertise with us and compassion for this time, and I would highly recommend anyone that wants to learn more about this menopause transition to add to your toolbox.
This book, um, is a really great reference and a great tool for the toolkit, so thank you. Thank you.
